Sorry that I have failed to post my weekly blogs. Our office has been in the process of moving at work and then I have been kinda busy at home. It seems weird having to move and pack up your office. I have been undisciplined when it comes to my posts though so I need to get back at it.
I have been working on a movie quote post but I just have not finished it and so failed to get that up. I will be sure to get it up Friday though. I did get an article published with an online magazine and I hope to start doing that from time to time. I am looking forward to that too because it has been a while since I have writing reviews and things like that.
I guess when it comes down to it, I kinda feel like I don’t have much to say. I don’t know what to say or if what I am saying matters. I know that I used to be a writer and I don’t know where that went. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know where that went. Did I lose it or was it never really me? I am not sure the answer. I don’t want to burn out so to speak. I guess I just don’t really see a point to it all.
I know there is one but finding that point is the issue. I know that I want to do something that matters, but I don’t know what that is. Again I used to love writing but now that I am older that has seemed to fade. Has my love changed or has life changed me? I need to find inspiration and I guess I am just looking for that. I am looking for a reason to write. Hopefully I will find one. Hopefully or maybe writing just isn’t for me…not sure what will be that outcome.
Love is a word without meaning,
Said without anyone thinking,
Given to another without question,
And taken without thought of loss.
An idea of the best thing in the world,
Can’t be equal to the reality of time,
Between seeing what you want,
And watching it fade from your grasp.
I look down and see a face,
Of someone that is not me,
This hollow empty shell,
Of someone I claim to be.
Let the stars stop shining,
Let the rain fall continuously from the clouds,
Filling the empty places in the world,
With hollow, meaningless nothing.
Let me speak the words on repeat in my mind,
Get lost in the chaos of all I attempted to leave behind,
Yet failed to leave in a pile on the ground,
Above your final resting place,
Where the memories you created for us should stay.
Some days, words just seem to flow from you. This is one of those days. Memories that knock on doors, long left closed and locked tight, then suddenly you hear a knocking and can’t seem to ignore the thoughts any longer. Sometimes we push things away to keep from feeling or dealing, but eventually we have to find a way to make peace with it, one way or another….
Tightening in my chest, for the words I long to say,
Stifled like a cry in my throat, refusing to escape,
Why can’t I just release them, remove them from my head,
So finally, for this one moment in time, I will be free at last.
I have been listening to an amazing, out of this world band (Blue October) with moving and emotional lyrics. We all have things in our past that we attempt or want to forget or pretend never happened. That normally never works but we still attempt to ignore something and bury it thinking it won’t keep popping up time and again. Most people don’t understand that unless you honestly deal with something then it will never go away and some things are hard to just “deal” with, it takes months, years or a lifetime to work through something, especially if it was something you never asked for or expected to happen.
The world is filled with believers who fail to believe,
Forgetting to forgive those who have hurt them,
Getting lost in the doubts and fears,
Of all the things that they worry can never be.
Let me give you a simple anecdote,
That tells of a heart breaking,
Crashing like the waves on a shoreline,
With the sun setting the in background.
Let me get a tourniquet to stop the blood flow,
I’d let it slowly drain out but true suffering cuts you like knife,
It lets you bleed but suddenly runs dry,
And the world after is nothing like the before.
I know it’s not easy I wouldn’t want it to be,
Nothing in life that has meaning will ever come easily,
I’m willing to fight for the things that I want,
But don’t tell me I don’t want them bad enough.