Lately things haven’t been so bad. I have missed my half way point deadline for my novel and the days just keep on moving by. I feel like I should be doing things, but just keeping up with my daily life and responsibilities is taking all my time. It sometimes feels like after you get done doing all that you need, you don’t even have time to do what you want. I guess in all honesty though I have felt a bit uninspired lately. I am not sure why, but I guess it’s just apathy, if that is the right word.
It’s a weird feeling to just feel like you are here. I don’t feel overly happy or sad or angry, life is just going. I guess in the end that is what happens, complacency. We just get moderately comfortable where we are and with what we are doing and suddenly a day turns in to a week, then a month and then a lifetime. There are times that that seems like of sad. The idea that what you want or what you once wanted could just disappear right before your eyes, but then sometimes it’s just life.
We all have dreams and things we want to accomplish, but sometimes they don’t have be so grand. I do want do what I want and I do want to write, but that is so very hard to be successful at. I am not saying that I feel discouraged at all, actually it’s quite different. I feel content with where I am and what is going on. I wish that I could win the lotto and be rich and do whatever I wanted or didn’t want to do, but that is just a fantasy. I would love to write the next big thing and everyone love it, it become a huge blockbuster and then I could live easy, but that too is very much a fantasy. I guess really though I don’t need all that, I just dream about it from time to time.
What I really want, as I have been told is what you have to ask yourself, what is it that I really want? Do I want the easy life? Do I want all the hassle that comes with fame and riches? Do I want to do what I love? Who doesn’t want that? I guess it does really come down to what is it that you really want. I really just want to be happy, much like I am now. I just want to be happy doing the things that I am doing. I watch my shows, watch movies, write on here, write poems and stories when I want and can, take care of my dog, go to work, hang out with my boyfriend, it’s all quite easy and I feel content with it. What is it that I really want? I want to just keep doing what I am doing. I want to be happy with who I am with and then if any of the other stuff is out there for me, well then I will find it, when the time is right and I am ok with that.