To Help or Let Go

There are times, people and places that as we grow in our lives, we must learn to let go of. I watch a rather silly show and honestly it has the same theme reoccurring throughout it. The idea that people or a person can change and the idea that others can help that person be the person they are meant to be. But when are we to let go of that illusion or hope? Can we ever give up on people? Can someone ever hurt us enough when we must simply walk away?

It’s a hard concept to grasp and wrap our minds around. The idea that we could or would give up on someone, especially someone that we love. How do we do that? I remember back to when I worked at a drug council and we had family members calling on behalf of their loved ones trying to get them help or treatment. Addicts can’t get help unless they want it, really anyone is that way. Sometimes it’s hard for those of us that do care, than the ones that are needing the help. It’s a double edge sword, so how do you know when to say when? Should we ever give up or is tough love, saying you need to do this in order to get or be better really loving that person?

I know that there are those who think differently about this. You either love someone and you do everything that you can for them or you say here go hit rock bottom and help yourself. I think it’s about the person. I don’t think we can lump everyone into one category and say here you go, this is the answer for everyone. Just as we must decide what it is that we will take and put up with.

There have been people I have simply realized aren’t worth the stress and drama in my own life. Can people grow up and become better people? I think that they can, but they must want to do that themselves. People must learn to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. I had an old roommate that used to do whatever she wanted and then when it came time to take care of the things she needed, she would slack and ended up owing me a large amount of money. After claiming that she had trouble, yet she was never home, always out late with “friends” or whatever and ate out all the time, she had her own created problems. She wanted me to feel pity for her because she partied too much and then wanted me to be responsible for her. She had a lot of growing up to do and she was spoiled and thought everyone would just do whatever she wanted or said, well life doesn’t work that way. I was lucky because I had enough to cover her part, we would have been evicted and had no power if it was up to her, yet she felt like she was in the right by avoiding and wondered why I wouldn’t be a “friend” to her.

To me “friendship” is earned and if someone takes advantage of another, then wonders why the other person gets fed up, they need to take a look in the mirror. I am kind or at least try to be a kind person to others, but we all have to have our limits, we can be kind yet still firm and hold on to our dignity. If someone keep taking and taking without offering anything back at all, what is the point of you endlessly pouring out your kindness when it is not appreciated and when it gets thrown back in your face?

I say gladly help those who help themselves. I still help those when I can, but I have reality in mind. I know that most people will take everything from you if they can and you have to realize that people are that way too. We have to see those who are good for our lives and see when we can take the opportunities to help them and when it’s just a situation that is draining you. I don’t like giving up on people, but sometimes when a person gives up on themselves, you just have to let them go until they, themselves, find another way. Maybe I am wrong, but in my life that is what I have seen. Love with all your heart, those you can, while you can and help someone become the best person possible, there are always those who honestly just need a little help to get where they need to be, so be a stepping stone for them, but not a blood sack for those who just use you.

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